Forgiveness is the Question and the Answer. Forgiveness is the Key.

Note: This page is a work in progress. If you notice any typos please let me know, I may be still working on that section, but will appreciate the proof-reading 🙂

Consider this page as “a user manual to forgiveness”, or “a how-to guide on forgiveness”. This page will introduce you to this topic from various perspectives, and it also includes some exercises which you could practice.

Quotes

“Forgiveness is the answer to the child’s dream of a miracle by which what is broken is made whole again, what is soiled is made clean again” – Dag Hammarskjöld
“Let yourself remember and visualize the ways you have hurt others. See the pain you have caused out of your own fear and confusion… I ask for your forgiveness, I ask for your forgiveness” – Jack Kornfield
“It’s one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself, to forgive. Forgive everybody” – Maya Angelou
“We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love” – Martin Luther King Jr.
“You must forgive in order to understand. Until you forgive, you defend yourself against the possibility of understanding” – Marilynne Robinson
“Forgiveness is an act of the will, and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart” – Corrie ten Boom
“Forgiveness is about empowering yourself, rather than empowering your past” – T. D. Jakes
“There is a hard law. When an injury is done to us, we never recover until we forgive” – Alan Paton
“The people who did you wrong or who didn’t quite know how to show up, you forgive them. And forgiving them allows you to forgive yourself too” – Jane Fonda
“To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love. In return, you will receive untold peace and happiness” – Robert Muller
“There is no revenge so complete as forgiveness” – Josh Billings
“Forgiveness is the key to action and freedom” – Hannah Arendt
“True forgiveness is when you can say, ‘Thank you for that experience'” – Oprah Winfrey
“He who cannot forgive breaks the bridge over which he himself must pass” – George Herbert
“As long as you don’t forgive, who and whatever it is will occupy a rent-free space in your mind” – Isabelle Holland
“Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you were” – Cherie Carter-Scott
“When you haven’t forgiven those who have hurt you, you turn back against your future. When you do forgive, you start walking forward” – Tyler Perry
“Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future” – Paul Boese
“Life is an adventure in forgiveness” – Norman Cousins
“Forgiveness is a sign that the person who has wronged you means more to you than the wrong they have dealt” – Sue Monk Kidd
“Forgiveness is the key to action and freedom.” – Hannah Arendt
“Forgiveness is the key that unlocks the door to happiness and inner peace.” – Unknown
“Forgiveness is the key that opens the door to self-discovery and personal growth.” – Unknown
“Forgiveness is the release of all hope for a better past.” – Eckhart Tolle
“To forgive is to give up the hope that the past could have been any different.” – Eckhart Tolle
“When you forgive, you no longer need to find a reason for your pain, and you no longer need to seek revenge or hold on to resentment. Instead, you find inner peace in the present moment.” – Eckhart Tolle
“There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love.” – Bryant H. McGill
“If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive.” – Mother Teresa
“Always forgive your enemies – nothing annoys them so much.” – Oscar Wilde
“Mistakes are always forgivable, if one has the courage to admit them.” – Bruce Lee
“Before we can forgive one another, we have to understand one another.” – Emma Goldman
“Forgiveness is not weak. It takes courage to face and overcome powerful emotions.” – Desmond Tutu
“We win by tenderness. We conquer by forgiveness.” – Frederick William Roberson
“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” – Mahatma Gandhi
“To err is human; to forgive, divine.” – Alexander Pope

To understand forgiveness, I suggest that you view it from these perspectives:

Self Compassion

Forgiveness is a key component of self-compassion, which involves treating oneself with kindness, understanding, and acceptance during difficult times.

Kristin Neff, a researcher and teacher of self-compassion, an associate professor in educational psychology at the University of Texas, Austin and the co-founder of the nonprofit Center for Mindful Self-Compassion. She highlights that self-compassion involves being kind to oneself in instances of pain or failure, seeing one’s experiences as part of the larger human experience, and holding one’s painful thoughts and feelings in balanced awareness.

Neff identified three core components of self-compassion:

Self-Kindness: This involves being warm and understanding towards oneself during times of pain or failure, rather than being overly self-critical. Instead of ignoring one’s pain or criticizing oneself, self-kindness encourages self-soothing and self-care.
Common Humanity: This aspect emphasizes recognizing that suffering and personal inadequacy are part of the shared human experience, and human fallibility. Rather than feeling isolated by one’s imperfections or mistakes, understanding that these experiences are universal can foster a sense of connection and reduce feelings of isolation.
Mindfulness: Mindfulness in self-compassion refers to holding one’s painful thoughts and feelings in balanced awareness. It means observing negative emotions without suppressing or being overwhelmed by them. This balanced approach helps individuals neither ignore their pain nor become overly identified with it.

Watch this short video of Neff explaining this, very helpful:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=11U0h0DPu7k

Practicing self compassion makes it easier to find the ability to forgive.

Forgiveness is integral to this process, as it helps individuals deal with their own flaws and failures with kindness rather than harsh judgment

Forgiveness is the outcome, and the catalyst, the end product and the beginning of healing. Forgiveness is the key.

Forgiveness helps you be free.

Here’s how forgiveness plays into self-compassion:

Release from Self-Criticism: Forgiveness allows individuals to release themselves from harsh self-criticism and guilt. Self-compassionate people recognize that everyone makes mistakes and that imperfection is a shared human experience. By forgiving themselves, they can avoid the negative spiral of self-blame and instead approach their shortcomings with understanding and patience.
Emotional Healing: Holding onto anger or resentment, whether towards oneself or others, can be emotionally draining and harmful. Forgiveness fosters emotional healing by helping individuals let go of these negative emotions, which can lead to greater emotional stability and well-being.
Acceptance and Growth: Self-compassion includes recognizing one’s flaws and limitations without judgment. Forgiveness is a way to accept past mistakes or failures and view them as opportunities for growth. This acceptance helps in moving forward without being bogged down by past errors.
Stress Reduction: Self-compassion, including the act of forgiving oneself, can significantly reduce stress. It helps individuals maintain a balanced and calm state of mind by not dwelling on negative experiences or regrets. This reduction in stress can improve overall mental and physical health.
Improved Relationships: Forgiveness, as a part of self-compassion, also improves relationships with others. When individuals are kind and forgiving towards themselves, they are more likely to extend the same compassion to others, leading to healthier and more empathetic relationships.
Empowerment and Freedom: Forgiveness is empowering because it liberates individuals from the burden of resentment and anger. It allows them to take control of their emotions and reactions, fostering a sense of freedom and empowerment.

Let’s continue exploring forgiveness. Yes, most these ideas will overlap and seem repetitive. Keep reading them as this will help you absorb these ideas and view them from within different perspectives.

Letting Go

Releasing the hold that past hurts or grievances have on you. This doesn’t necessarily mean forgetting the offense but rather relinquishing the negative emotions associated with it, such as anger, resentment, or the desire for revenge. Letting go helps free you from the emotional burden and allows you to move forward without being weighed down by past pain.

Forgiveness is not forgetting. Forgiveness is simply letting go, and the reduction of your suffering.

Releasing

The process of letting go and the releasing of negative emotions, negative and harmful (stressful, hateful, fearful) thoughts, or attachments associated with a grievance or with offense.

Releasing the hurt, the resentment, the resistance, the shame and guilt, the hate, and the pain…..

Emotional Release: When we forgive, we release the grip that anger, resentment, or hurt have on our emotions. These feelings often consume mental and emotional energy. By forgiving, we free ourselves from this emotional burden, which can lead to a sense of relief and inner peace.
Letting Go of Resentment: Holding onto resentment keeps us anchored to past events and interactions. Forgiveness involves letting go of these resentments, which allows us to move forward without the weight of past grievances affecting our present and future.
Releasing Control: Forgiveness often means relinquishing the desire for revenge or control over the situation. It involves accepting that we cannot change the past or force others to behave in a certain way. By releasing this need for control, we can achieve a sense of freedom and autonomy.
Freedom from the Past: When we hold onto grudges, we are often mentally and emotionally tied to past events. Forgiveness allows us to release these ties and move on, freeing us from being perpetually anchored in past hurts.
Victimhood. Releasing one’s self of the idea of being a victim, and changing the story about what happened. Deciding to rewrite a more empowering narrative and a new ending to the story can lead to personal healing and growth. It helps in overcoming the psychological impact of the offense and fosters a more positive and resilient mindset.

Releasing what does not serve you is not approval.

Getting Rid of

It’s important to note that forgiveness is often more about freeing yourself from the burden of negative emotions than it is about excusing or condoning the other person’s actions.. Forgiveness involves letting go of / or “getting rid of” several things, including:

Resentment and Anger: Forgiving means releasing negative emotions like resentment, bitterness, and anger towards someone who has wronged you.
Desire for Retribution: It involves letting go of the desire for revenge or punishment. Instead of seeking retribution, forgiveness aims for healing and resolution.
Grudges and Hostility: Holding onto grudges can perpetuate negative feelings and hinder personal growth. Forgiveness helps in moving past these hostile feelings.
Pain and Hurt: While forgiveness doesn’t erase the past, it allows you to move forward without being weighed down by the emotional pain of the wrongdoing.
Harmful Emotions: All emotions are good and natural, painful emotions are normal and important. Resisting or holding onto these emotions is not healthy. Letting go and getting rid of the hurt helps you lower these lingering hurtful and damaging emotions. Do not fight or resist them! Their job is to communicate something to you, by accepting them you are also able to give them peace. Acceptance is one of the first steps of forgiveness.
The old narrative or the narrative (story) which makes you the victim and one that is disempowering, lowering your power, autonomy, ability to see things differently.. and changing that into more positive or neutral narratives.
Physical stress: Physical stress is linked to increased oxidative stress, inflammation, increased physical pain, chronic health problems, and lowered energy.
The critical voice within, inner negative judgments against you, the inner demon or bully. You are not your thoughts. You experience thousands of thoughts, daily. Some of these are harmful and are not worthy of your acceptance of them. You get to decide which thoughts are helpful, kind, or empowering and which are harmful, disrespectful and weakening. Run them through a litmus test to see if you should accept or ignore thoughts.
Perfectionism. There is no such thin within the human condition and human existence.
Victimization. Decide that you are not a victim, take your power back. That’s the only way to start healing. By empowering yourself.
Identification with the problems. You are not the problems you have or had. Just as you experience thousands of thoughts but yourself are not the thoughts and no one thought represents you, your problems and trauma are not who you are. You are a human who has thoughts, a human who had problems or trauma… And some say that you are a spiritual being having a human experience.

Yes, releasing and letting go are one and the same. For our topic here, they are also synonymous with forgiveness.

Releasing, letting go, getting rid of, and forgiveness are the same thing!

Let’s keep looking at forgiveness,

Forgiveness empowers you to have peace and ownership of your reality.

Forgiveness removes the hold of the offender from your life and gives you your power back!

Energy in Motion

The phrase “emotions are energy in motion” is often attributed to the author and speaker, Peter Levine. He is known for his work in trauma therapy and somatic experiencing.

The idea reflects the concept that emotions are not just mental experiences but also involve physical sensations and movements in the body.

Additionally, when considering psychology and Chinese medicine, energy psychology, or other energy practices, emotions are meant to ebb and flow, come and go, increase then decrease, and move and flow.

Resisting, holding on to and fighting the emotions, or ignoring them results in them being trapped in the body. Trapped emotions are considered by many to cause or worsen physical pain and dis-ease.

The concept of “emotions are energy in motion” is rooted in the idea that emotions are dynamic processes involving both psychological and physiological aspects.

Here’s a deeper look at this idea:

Energy Flow: The phrase suggests that emotions are not static; they are constantly in flux and involve a flow of energy. When we experience emotions, there is often a corresponding physical response—like increased heart rate, muscle tension, or changes in breathing. This physical response can be viewed as the “energy” moving through the body.
Somatic Experience: This concept is closely tied to somatic experiences, where emotions are felt in the body as physical sensations. For example, anxiety might be felt as a tightness in the chest, while joy might be experienced as a sense of lightness or warmth.
Trauma and Healing: In trauma therapy, particularly in approaches like Peter Levine’s Somatic Experiencing, the idea is that unresolved emotions can become trapped in the body. By acknowledging and working through these physical sensations, individuals can release the trapped energy and promote healing.
Emotional Release: Allowing oneself to fully experience and express emotions can help in processing them. This might involve activities like crying, laughing, or engaging in physical movement, somatic releasing, trauma release exercises, or body work, all of which can help in releasing the energy associated with emotions.
Mind-Body Connection: This perspective emphasizes the interconnectedness of mind and body, recognizing that emotional states influence physical health and vice versa. Practices like mindfulness and body awareness can be useful in understanding and managing emotions effectively.

Chinese medicine, Tai Chi, Qigong

In Chinese medicine, Tai Chi, Qigong, and Taoism, forgiveness is approached with a focus on balance, harmony, and energy flow. Overall in these traditions, forgiveness helps in maintaining or restoring the smooth flow of Qi and life force, which is crucial for physical health, emotional well-being, and overall vitality in these traditions.

Here’s a little more on these and forgiveness:

Chinese Medicine: In Chinese medicine, emotions are linked to specific organs and energy channels. Anger and resentment can affect the liver and disrupt the flow of Qi (energy) in the body. Forgiveness is seen as a way to restore balance and promote the smooth flow of Qi, thereby supporting physical and emotional health. Letting go of negative emotions helps prevent stagnation and promotes overall well-being.
Tai Chi: Tai Chi emphasizes the balance and flow of energy. Holding onto grudges or anger can create internal tension and disrupt the flow of Qi. Forgiveness is seen as a means to cultivate inner peace and harmony, which is reflected in the graceful, flowing movements of Tai Chi. By letting go of negative emotions, one can achieve a more balanced and relaxed state, both physically and mentally.
Qigong: Qigong practices focus on cultivating and balancing Qi through movement, meditation, and breathwork. Forgiveness in Qigong is associated with clearing emotional blockages and promoting the free flow of Qi. By forgiving others and oneself, one can release stagnant energy and enhance overall health and vitality. It’s about maintaining emotional and energetic balance.
Taoism: Taoism teaches that forgiveness is integral to living in harmony with the Tao, or the natural flow of the universe. Forgiveness aligns with the Taoist principle of wu wei (non-action or effortless action), which emphasizes going with the flow rather than resisting or clinging to negative emotions. By practicing forgiveness, one aligns with the natural order and cultivates inner peace and harmony.

Let’s keep looking at forgiveness,

Detachment

Stepping back from the situation and viewing it with a sense of objectivity. It means not allowing the actions of others to dictate your emotional state. By detaching, you can separate your identity and self-worth from the hurtful actions of others, leading to a more peaceful and balanced mindset. This detachment doesn’t mean indifference but rather maintaining emotional equilibrium.

Non-Judgment

Refraining from harshly judging others for their actions. It involves recognizing that everyone is imperfect and prone to mistakes. By practicing non-judgment, you can develop empathy and understanding, which are crucial for forgiving others. This perspective helps you see the situation more compassionately, acknowledging that people may act out of pain, ignorance, or fear.

Acceptance, and …

Acceptance is acknowledging the reality of what happened and doing so without trying to change or deny it. It involves accepting the past as it is, recognizing that you cannot alter it, and choosing to respond in a healthy way.

Acceptance is not about condoning harmful behavior, is not about forgetting the offense or excusing the behavior, is not about agreement, is not about allowing it to happen again, rather it is about acknowledging the situation’s reality and deciding not to let it dominate your life. Acceptance is not approval.

Let’s keep looking at forgiveness,

In Advaita Vedanta

In Advaita Vedanta, a non-dualistic school of Hindu philosophy, forgiveness is closely related to the realization of the unity of all beings. The fundamental belief in Advaita is that the true Self (Atman) is identical with the ultimate reality (Brahman), and that all perceived dualities and separations are illusory (Maya). From this perspective:

Non-Duality: The notion of forgiveness transcends personal grievances because there is no real separation between the self and others. Harm caused by others is seen as part of the illusory world, and forgiveness becomes a natural expression of recognizing this unity.
Detachment: Forgiveness in Advaita Vedanta also involves detachment from the ego and its desires. By seeing beyond the egoic self, one can forgive others as part of the broader realization of oneness, thus letting go of personal grudges and judgments.
There is more here to explore, on the liberation ontology, spiritual liberation or enlightenment, the use of negation, via negativa, apophatic theology, and the realization of ultimate reality. This article is but a basic introduction to these ideas. You may want to follow these words and read on these topics. This website may help provide you with more introductory information http://www.consciousnessadvancement.com/what-is-consciousness/

Let’s keep looking at forgiveness,

In Buddhism

In Buddhism, forgiveness is an important practice closely linked to compassion (karuna) and loving-kindness (metta). There many schools of Buddhism, this is only a very basic intro. Overall, forgiveness is seen as a way to:

Release Suffering: Holding onto anger and resentment is viewed as a form of self-inflicted suffering. By forgiving, one releases these negative emotions and moves towards inner peace.
Understanding Impermanence: The Buddhist concept of impermanence (anicca) teaches that all experiences and feelings are transient. This understanding helps individuals forgive, recognizing that clinging to past wrongs is futile and causes unnecessary suffering.
Karma: Forgiveness is also tied to the understanding of karma, the ‘law’ of cause and effect. By forgiving, one creates positive karma, leading to better future outcomes and personal growth.

Let’s keep looking at forgiveness,

In Christianity

Across all Christian traditions, forgiveness is seen as a command from God, reflecting the forgiveness believers receive through Jesus Christ. The petition “forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us” is found in the Lord’s Prayer and is central to Christian teaching on forgiveness across all denominations.

Why we should forgive:

In Christianity, forgiveness is central to both the teachings of Jesus and the overall message of the Gospel. A Christian is called to forgive the way Jesus forgave because it aligns with His example, fulfills His command, reflects God’s mercy, frees the believer from bitterness, bears witness to the world, and brings about restoration in relationships. A Christian is called to forgive as Jesus forgave for several reasons, including:

1. Jesus’ Example of Forgiveness

Jesus not only taught about forgiveness, but He also embodied it. The most striking example is when He was crucified and prayed, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34). Jesus forgave those who harmed Him in the most unjust and brutal way, demonstrating that forgiveness is not dependent on the other person’s repentance but on the willingness of the one forgiving.

2. Obedience to Jesus’ Command

In several passages, Jesus explicitly commands His followers to forgive. One of the clearest examples is in the Lord’s Prayer: “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us” (Matthew 6:12). Jesus explains after the prayer, “For if you forgive others their sins, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, neither will your Father forgive your sins” (Matthew 6:14-15). Forgiving others is directly tied to receiving God’s forgiveness.

3. Forgiveness Reflects God’s Mercy

God’s mercy and grace toward humanity are foundational to Christian belief. Jesus forgives humanity of sin, offering reconciliation with God through His sacrifice. By forgiving others, Christians reflect the mercy God has shown them, demonstrating an understanding that they, too, have been forgiven and are called to extend that mercy to others (Ephesians 4:32: “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you”).

4. Freedom from Bitterness

Forgiveness is not only a command but also a pathway to spiritual and emotional freedom. Holding onto unforgiveness can lead to bitterness and spiritual stagnation. By forgiving as Jesus did, Christians are freed from the weight of resentment, anger, and hostility that can harm their souls. Hebrews 12:15 warns against letting a “root of bitterness” grow, which can defile many.

5. Forgiveness as a Witness to the World

Jesus’ radical forgiveness is one of the hallmarks of His ministry. When Christians forgive as Jesus did, they become living testimonies to the power of grace, compassion, and transformation. This can serve as a powerful witness to the world, showing the love of God in action.

6. Restoration of Relationships

Forgiveness is key to restoring relationships, both with God and with others. Jesus came to reconcile humanity to God, and forgiveness is a vital part of reconciliation. Christians are called to be agents of reconciliation, working to bring healing and peace in relationships (2 Corinthians 5:18-19).

More details on this:

Many denominations stress the importance of reconciliation with others as an integral part of forgiveness, emphasizing that true forgiveness involves both a change of heart and a restoration of relationships where possible.

Biblical Foundation:
- Jesus’ Teachings: In the New Testament, Jesus emphasizes the importance of forgiveness. For instance, in the Lord’s Prayer, He teaches, “Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors” (Matthew 6:12). Jesus also speaks about forgiving others seventy times seven times (Matthew 18:22), indicating that forgiveness should be boundless.
- Parable of the Prodigal Son: This parable (Luke 15:11-32) illustrates God’s willingness to forgive sinners who repent, regardless of their past actions. It highlights the joy and acceptance that comes with forgiveness.
- Forgiveness and Salvation: According to Christian belief, forgiveness is crucial for salvation. Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross is seen as the ultimate act of forgiveness for humanity’s sins (John 3:16).
Role of Forgiveness:
- Healing Relationships: Forgiveness is viewed as essential for mending broken relationships and fostering peace. It allows individuals to move past grudges and experience emotional and spiritual healing.
- Reflecting God’s Character: Christians believe that by forgiving others, they reflect the nature of God, who is described as loving and merciful.
How to Practice Forgiveness:
- Pray for Guidance: Begin with prayer, asking for God’s help to understand and embody forgiveness. This helps in seeking strength and wisdom to forgive.
- Reflect on Your Own Forgiveness: Consider how much you’ve been forgiven by God. Recognizing this can make it easier to extend forgiveness to others.
- Acknowledge Your Feelings: It’s important to recognize and process your feelings of hurt or anger. Forgiveness doesn’t mean ignoring these emotions but rather addressing them in a healthy way.
- (Optional) Communicate with the Offender: If possible, safe and will help others, speak to the person who wronged you. Expressing your feelings and discussing the situation can lead to mutual understanding and healing. This is optional and not required.
- Let Go of Resentment: Choose to release your desire for revenge or retribution. Forgiveness involves making a conscious decision to let go of past grievances and not let them control your thoughts and actions.
- Offer a Blessing: Pray for the well-being of the person who hurt you. This act of goodwill can help transform your own heart and promote healing.
- Seek Reconciliation: In cases where it is safe and appropriate, work towards restoring the relationship. This step is not always necessary or possible, but it can be a natural outcome of genuine forgiveness.

Forgiveness is a central concept in Christianity, let’s look at different denominations and their ideas on forgiveness:

1. Orthodox Christianity

Forgiveness in Orthodox Christianity is closely tied to the sacrament of Confession (or Penance). The act of confessing sins to a priest and receiving absolution is seen as a vital part of spiritual life.
Forgiveness is understood as a gift from God, offered through His grace. Believers are encouraged to forgive others as a reflection of the forgiveness they receive from God.
Liturgical Expression: Forgiveness is also expressed communally in the Orthodox Church, particularly during the “Forgiveness Vespers” at the beginning of Great Lent, where members of the congregation ask for and offer forgiveness to each other.

2. Catholicism

In Catholicism, forgiveness is primarily experienced through the Sacrament of Reconciliation, where the penitent confesses sins to a priest, performs an act of contrition, and receives absolution.
Catholicism distinguish between mortal sins, which require confession to a priest, and venial sins, which can be forgiven through prayer and good deeds.
Catholics are encouraged to forgive others as a response to God’s forgiveness of humans, and this is emphasized in the Lord’s Prayer, which is central to Catholic liturgy.

3. Protestantism

In many Protestant traditions, forgiveness is viewed as a direct interaction between the individual and God, without the need for a priest as an intermediary.
Forgiveness is often linked to the concept of justification by faith alone, where belief in Jesus Christ as Savior leads to the forgiveness of sins.
Personal confession is usually done privately, directly to God. Emphasis is placed on genuine repentance and the transformative power of God’s grace.

4. Baptist

In Baptist theology, forgiveness is seen as a direct result of personal faith in Jesus Christ and genuine repentance. There is no formal sacrament of confession; instead, individuals are encouraged to confess sins directly to God.
Baptists often emphasize the authority of Scripture in guiding the process of forgiveness, encouraging believers to follow biblical teachings on repentance and reconciliation.

5. Evangelical Christianity

Evangelicals emphasize a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, where forgiveness is received through faith and repentance. This forgiveness is viewed as complete and unconditional for those who accept Christ.
Forgiveness is also seen as a transformative experience, leading to a changed life that reflects Christ’s love and forgiveness. Evangelicals often stress the importance of witnessing to others about the power of forgiveness.

6. Lutheranism

Similar to other Protestant traditions, Lutherans believe that forgiveness is granted through faith in Jesus Christ. This is often tied to Martin Luther’s doctrine of justification by faith alone.
While private confession to a pastor is available, Lutherans typically emphasize corporate confession during worship services, where the congregation confesses sins together and receives absolution.
Forgiveness is also seen as a “means of grace,” offered through the sacraments of Baptism and the Lord’s Supper.

7. Methodism

Methodists practice both personal and corporate confession of sins.
Forgiveness is viewed as an ongoing process, where God’s grace is continually at work in the believer’s life.
In addition to justification by faith, Methodism emphasizes sanctification, the process of becoming more Christ-like, which includes the ability to forgive others as an essential part of spiritual growth.
Forgiveness is not just a personal matter but is also seen in the context of community and social relationships, with a strong emphasis on reconciliation and healing within the community, as social holiness.

Let’s keep looking at forgiveness,

In Judaism

In Judaism, forgiveness is a fundamental concept in the faith’s teachings and traditions. It is connected to the ideas of repentance (teshuva), atonement, and reconciliation. The approach to forgiveness can vary somewhat among the different branches or movements within Judaism. These include: Teshuva (Repentance): Central to the Jewish concept of forgiveness is teshuva, which literally means “return.” It involves a process of introspection, acknowledging one’s sins, feeling genuine remorse, making amends, and resolving not to repeat the wrongdoing. Teshuva is considered a way to return to God and to one’s better self. Atonement: Atonement, particularly during Yom Kippur (the Day of Atonement), is a significant time when Jews seek forgiveness from God and from others. Yom Kippur is dedicated to prayer, fasting, and reflection, and it emphasizes the importance of both divine and interpersonal forgiveness. Interpersonal Forgiveness: In Judaism, seeking forgiveness from another person is crucial. Before Yom Kippur, it is customary to ask for forgiveness from anyone one may have wronged, as sins against others cannot be forgiven by God alone unless one has sought reconciliation with the person wronged. Divine Forgiveness: Jews believe that God is merciful and willing to forgive those who sincerely repent. However, forgiveness from God typically requires a person to demonstrate genuine remorse and make efforts to rectify their mistakes. Asking for Forgiveness: It is customary before Yom Kippur to ask friends, family, and acquaintances for forgiveness for any wrongs committed during the year. Kol Nidre and Vidui: During Yom Kippur, prayers like Kol Nidre and Vidui (confession) are recited, which include communal acknowledgment of sins and requests for divine forgiveness. Charity and Good Deeds: Giving charity (tzedakah) and performing good deeds are often encouraged as part of the process of teshuva, as they demonstrate a commitment to positive change.

Forgiveness in Different Jewish Movements

1. Orthodox Judaism

Strict Adherence to Halacha: In Orthodox Judaism, forgiveness is approached with strict adherence to Halacha (Jewish law). The process of teshuva is detailed and must be followed rigorously, including confession (vidui), repentance, and making amends.
Yom Kippur: The practices surrounding Yom Kippur are taken very seriously, with significant emphasis on seeking forgiveness from others and from God. The communal nature of prayers during this time underscores the collective responsibility for seeking and granting forgiveness.

2. Conservative Judaism

Balance of Tradition and Modernity: Conservative Judaism maintains many traditional practices related to forgiveness, such as the rituals surrounding Yom Kippur and the process of teshuva. However, there is often more flexibility in interpretation, allowing individuals to adapt the principles to their personal and contemporary context.
Community Focus: There is an emphasis on community and relationships, where forgiveness is seen as essential for maintaining communal harmony and integrity.

3. Reform Judaism

Emphasis on Individual Conscience: Reform Judaism often places a strong emphasis on personal conscience and ethical responsibility over strict adherence to traditional rituals. Forgiveness is still important, but the process may be more personalized and less focused on formal ritual.
Ethical Living: The concept of forgiveness is tied to broader ethical considerations, encouraging individuals to reflect on their actions and relationships throughout the year, not just during Yom Kippur.

4. Reconstructionist Judaism

Evolving Tradition: Reconstructionist Judaism views Jewish tradition as evolving and encourages individuals to reinterpret traditional practices in ways that are meaningful to them today. Forgiveness remains important but may be approached with a focus on contemporary ethical and communal concerns.
Community and Innovation: There is a strong focus on community, with innovative practices and rituals that may be developed to reflect modern understandings of forgiveness and teshuva.

5. Hasidic Judaism

Spiritual Intensity: In Hasidic communities, the process of teshuva and forgiveness is often infused with deep spiritual intensity. There is a strong emphasis on the emotional and mystical aspects of repentance and seeking God’s mercy.
Role of the Rebbe: The Rebbe, or spiritual leader, may play a significant role in guiding individuals through the process of teshuva and offering spiritual advice on how to seek and grant forgiveness.

In Islam

In Islam, forgiveness is a deeply rooted concept that is both a divine attribute of God (Allah) and a moral obligation for believers. Forgiveness is considered essential for spiritual growth, community harmony, and maintaining a close relationship with God.

The approach to forgiveness can vary slightly among the different schools of thought within Islam, but certain core principles remain consistent across the faith. These include: Divine Forgiveness (Maghfirah): In Islam, God is often referred to as “Al-Ghaffar” (The Forgiving) and “Al-Rahman” (The Merciful). Muslims believe that God is always willing to forgive those who sincerely repent, regardless of the severity of their sins. This forgiveness is a key component of a believer’s relationship with God. Repentance (Tawbah): The process of seeking forgiveness from God is known as tawbah, which involves feeling genuine remorse for one’s sins, immediately stopping the sinful behavior, and resolving never to return to it. It is believed that sincere repentance can wipe away sins as if they never occurred. Interpersonal Forgiveness: Islam places significant emphasis on forgiving others. The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) often encouraged believers to forgive those who wrong them, as doing so is seen as a means of earning God’s forgiveness and is a reflection of a compassionate and merciful character. Reconciliation: The Quran encourages reconciliation between people and stresses the importance of resolving conflicts through forgiveness and patience. The act of reconciling and forgiving others is seen as a virtuous and highly rewarded deed.

Forgiveness in Different Schools of Islam

1. Sunni Islam

Mainstream Approach: In Sunni Islam, forgiveness is seen as a fundamental aspect of faith. The process of tawbah is emphasized, where individuals are encouraged to turn to God in repentance. Interpersonal forgiveness is also stressed, with many hadiths (sayings of the Prophet) encouraging Muslims to forgive others and to seek forgiveness before death.
Legal Schools (Madhabs): Among the four major Sunni legal schools—Hanafi, Maliki, Shafi’i, and Hanbali—there is general agreement on the importance of forgiveness. However, there might be minor differences in how certain aspects of repentance and atonement are practiced, especially regarding the conditions and rituals associated with seeking forgiveness.

2. Shia Islam

Role of Imams: In Shia Islam, the Imams (descendants of the Prophet Muhammad, considered spiritual leaders) play a significant role in guiding believers on matters of forgiveness and repentance. Shia Muslims are encouraged to seek forgiveness through tawbah and to intercede through the Imams, especially during specific times and religious observances.
Ashura and Forgiveness: During the month of Muharram, particularly on the day of Ashura, Shia Muslims often reflect on the events of Karbala and seek forgiveness for their sins while renewing their commitment to the values of justice and righteousness exemplified by Imam Husayn.

3. Sufism (Islamic Mysticism)

Spiritual Emphasis: Sufism places a strong emphasis on the inner, spiritual aspect of forgiveness. Sufis often engage in practices of dhikr (remembrance of God) and meditation as a means of purifying the heart and seeking divine forgiveness. Forgiveness is seen as a path to spiritual enlightenment and closeness to God.
Moral Rectitude: In Sufism, forgiveness is also linked to moral rectitude, humility, and the eradication of the ego. Sufis believe that by forgiving others, they can overcome their own lower desires and align themselves more closely with divine will.

Common Practices Across Schools

Daily Prayers and Forgiveness: Muslims across are encouraged to seek forgiveness in their daily prayers (Salah), particularly in the supplications made during and after the prayer.
Dua (Supplication): Believers are encouraged to make dua, or personal supplications, asking for God’s forgiveness. This can be done at any time, but certain times, such as during the last third of the night or on Fridays, are considered particularly auspicious.
Ramadan and Forgiveness: The month of Ramadan is seen as a time of heightened spirituality, where Muslims seek forgiveness from God more earnestly. Laylat al-Qadr, the Night of Decree, which occurs during the last ten days of Ramadan, is believed to be a night when God’s mercy and forgiveness are particularly abundant.

Let’s keep looking at forgiveness,

In Scientology

In Scientology, the concept of forgiveness is approached differently than in many traditional religions. Scientology does not emphasize forgiveness in the same way that many other spiritual traditions do. Instead, it focuses on concepts like responsibility, ethics, and personal spiritual development. In Scientology, the emphasis is given to personal empowerment, responsibility, and spiritual advancement. Scientology’s approach can be seen as more pragmatic and self-focused. Instead of seeking forgiveness from others or from a higher power, individuals are encouraged to work on self-improvement and to rectify their own mistakes through direct action.

Key Concepts Related to Forgiveness in Scientology

Responsibility and Ethics:
- In Scientology, a key tenet is that individuals are responsible for their own actions and the consequences that follow. The religion emphasizes taking responsibility rather than seeking or granting forgiveness. The idea is that one must confront and handle the wrongs they have committed rather than simply asking for forgiveness.
- The “Ethics” system in Scientology is designed to help individuals take responsibility for their actions. Through a series of steps and procedures, a person can “make up the damage” they have caused and restore ethical behavior. This process is about rectifying wrongs and improving one’s ethical conduct.
Auditing:
- Auditing is a central practice in Scientology where an individual works with an auditor to address past traumas and wrong actions. During auditing, a person may confront and resolve past incidents, which could include actions for which they might traditionally seek forgiveness.
- The goal of auditing is to help individuals achieve greater spiritual awareness and freedom by eliminating the negative effects of past experiences (referred to as “engrams”). While forgiveness isn’t the primary focus, resolving these issues may result in a sense of relief or closure similar to forgiveness.
Confessionals:
- Scientology does have a practice known as a “confessional,” which can resemble confession in other religions. However, the focus is on acknowledging one’s transgressions to relieve the spiritual burden they cause, rather than seeking forgiveness from a deity or another person.
- Confessionals are used as part of the process of restoring personal integrity. The idea is that by acknowledging and taking responsibility for one’s actions, a person can move forward without the burden of guilt.
Rehabilitation of Ethics:
- If someone has violated the ethical codes of Scientology, they might go through a process of “Ethics Rehabilitation,” where they work to correct their behavior and take responsibility for their actions. This process is intended to restore the individual’s ethical standing within the Scientology community.
- The emphasis is on making amends and improving future behavior, rather than on the traditional concept of forgiveness.

Let’s keep looking at forgiveness,

In Stoicism

Stoicism, a philosophy that emphasizes rationality, self-control, and virtue, views forgiveness through the lens of inner peace and emotional resilience. For Stoics, forgiveness isn’t just about letting go of grudges or resentments; it’s about understanding and accepting the nature of human imperfection and focusing on what is within one’s control.

For Stoics, forgiveness is a rational and virtuous response to wrongs, aimed at preserving one’s own peace of mind and practicing empathy and understanding towards others

Here’s how Stoicism approaches forgiveness:

Understanding Human Nature: Stoics believe that everyone is fallible and acts according to their own understanding and circumstances. Recognizing that people make mistakes out of ignorance or misunderstanding helps in cultivating empathy and forgiveness.
Control and Acceptance: According to Stoicism, we should focus on what we can control and accept what we cannot. Forgiving others aligns with this principle because it helps us to let go of negative emotions that are outside our control and instead focus on maintaining our own inner tranquility.
Virtue as the Highest Good: Stoics value virtues such as wisdom, courage, justice, and temperance. Forgiveness is seen as a way to practice justice and temperance. By forgiving, we uphold our own virtue rather than being swayed by anger or resentment.
Emotional Detachment: Stoicism teaches that we should not be overly affected by external events or the actions of others. Forgiving someone is a way to maintain emotional detachment from their behavior, ensuring that our own peace and rationality are not disrupted.

Forgiveness ends the hold of the past on your present.

Forgiveness gives you your present (and future) back.

Let’s keep looking at forgiveness,

Eckhart Tolle

Eckhart Tolle, in his teachings, emphasizes that true forgiveness is more about freeing yourself from the grip of past grievances and emotional pain than about absolving others of their actions. He suggests that holding onto resentment and anger keeps you trapped in the past and prevents you from experiencing the present moment fully.

According to Tolle, forgiveness involves recognizing that the past is an illusion and that the present moment is the only place where true peace and freedom can be found. By letting go of judgment and accepting what has happened, you can release the emotional burden that keeps you stuck. This process is more about transforming your own consciousness and finding inner peace rather than focusing on the other person’s actions.

David R. Hawkins

David R. Hawkins, a psychiatrist and spiritual teacher, addresses forgiveness in the context of his broader teachings on consciousness and personal growth. His perspective on forgiveness is deeply intertwined with his ideas about levels of consciousness, personal empowerment, and spiritual development. Here’s a summary of his views:

Forgiveness as a Path to Higher Consciousness: Hawkins suggests that forgiveness is crucial for moving to higher levels of consciousness. At lower levels of consciousness, individuals may be trapped in anger, resentment, and blame. By forgiving, one can transcend these lower states and access higher levels of spiritual awareness and peace.
The Illusion of Separation: Hawkins posits that at a fundamental level, the sense of separation from others is an illusion. Forgiveness helps to dissolve this illusion by recognizing that all individuals are interconnected and that the perceived wrongs are part of a larger, often unrecognized, whole.
Personal Freedom and Healing: Forgiveness is seen as a means of personal liberation. Holding onto grudges and resentment keeps one bound to past events and emotional pain. Forgiving others and oneself allows for emotional healing and freedom from the influence of these negative experiences.
Letting Go of Judgment: Hawkins emphasizes the importance of letting go of judgment as a part of forgiveness. Judgments are seen as a form of ego resistance and contribute to suffering. By releasing judgment, one can achieve greater inner peace and align with a more loving and compassionate state of being.
Spiritual Practice: Forgiveness is considered a spiritual practice that helps individuals align with higher spiritual truths. It is not just about reconciling with others but also about reconciling with oneself and the broader spiritual reality

Let’s keep looking at forgiveness,

Forgiveness and Healing

Forgiveness is a powerful healing tool for several reasons, even if the other party does not “deserve” it:

Emotional Freedom: Forgiving others can free you from the burden of negative emotions like anger, resentment, and bitterness. This emotional release can significantly improve mental well-being and reduce stress.
Inner Peace: Forgiveness helps you attain inner peace by letting go of grudges and grievances that otherwise keep you anchored in negative experiences.
Self-Compassion: Practicing forgiveness is an act of self-compassion. It acknowledges that everyone makes mistakes, including oneself, and that it is a natural part of the human experience. This self-compassion can lead to greater self-acceptance and self-love.
Physical Health: Research has shown that holding onto anger and resentment can have negative effects on physical health, including stress, increased stress and anxiety, physical tension, and a myriad of disease that stress and tension are linked to. Forgiveness can therefore be a preventive measure for better physical health.
- Cardiovascular System
  - Increased Blood Pressure: Stress triggers the release of hormones like adrenaline and cortisol, which cause blood vessels to constrict and the heart to beat faster. This can lead to elevated blood pressure, increasing the risk of hypertension.
  - Heart Disease: Chronic stress contributes to inflammation and other changes in the cardiovascular system, raising the risk of heart disease, heart attacks, and strokes.
- Immune System
  - Weakened Immune Response: Chronic stress can suppress the immune system, making the body more susceptible to infections and illnesses. This suppression can occur through the release of cortisol, which inhibits the production of white blood cells and other immune responses.
  - Autoimmune Diseases: There is evidence suggesting that chronic stress may contribute to the development or exacerbation of autoimmune diseases, where the immune system attacks the body’s own tissues.
- Digestive System
  - Gastrointestinal Issues: Stress can affect the digestive system, leading to symptoms such as stomachaches, nausea, and diarrhea. It can exacerbate conditions like irritable bowel syndrome (IBS) and inflammatory bowel disease (IBD).
  - Ulcers: While stress alone is not the sole cause of ulcers, it can exacerbate the production of stomach acid, contributing to the development or worsening of peptic ulcers.
- Endocrine System
  - Hormonal Imbalance: Chronic stress affects hormone levels, including cortisol, insulin, and thyroid hormones. This imbalance can lead to weight gain, fatigue, and other metabolic issues.
  - Diabetes: Stress can affect blood sugar levels, potentially increasing the risk of developing type 2 diabetes, especially in individuals already predisposed to the condition.
- Musculoskeletal System
  - Muscle Tension and Pain: Stress can cause muscles to tense up, leading to headaches, migraines, and chronic pain conditions like back pain.
- Reproductive System
  - Menstrual Irregularities: Stress can affect the menstrual cycle in women, leading to irregular periods or even amenorrhea (absence of menstruation).
  - Reduced Fertility: Chronic stress can impact fertility in both men and women, affecting hormone levels and sperm production.
- Sleep Problems
  - Insomnia and Sleep Disorders: Stress can interfere with sleep patterns, leading to insomnia or poor-quality sleep, which in turn can exacerbate other health issues.
- Lifestyle Factors
  - Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms: Stress can lead to unhealthy behaviors such as overeating, smoking, alcohol consumption, or lack of exercise, which can contribute to various health problems.
Suffering: Take ownership of suffering, release perceived causes of suffering.
Autonomy: Become free of the past, reduce the hold of guilt, shame, regret, grudges, trauma, and fear.
Moving on and improving life: Taking ownership of your life and actions becomes easier when you let go and get rid off the things from the past that have lingered long enough especially once that have caused you suffering. Doing this helps you free up mental and emotional space to explore the “what next” question and move on, in a way that you control. This releases the hold that the trauma has had on you.

Let’s keep looking at forgiveness,

Self Compassion & Forgiveness in DBT

In DBT, forgiveness is linked to self-compassion. Self-compassion involves treating oneself with the same kindness and understanding that one would offer to others. By practicing self-forgiveness, individuals can reduce self-critical thoughts and increase self-acceptance. This is particularly important in DBT, as many individuals who benefit from DBT struggle with self-hatred or intense self-criticism.

forgiveness in DBT is not about condoning harmful behavior or forgetting past wrongs. Instead, it is about freeing oneself from the emotional burdens that come with holding onto anger, resentment, and grudges. It promotes healing, emotional freedom, and healthier relationships, which are central goals in DBT

Components of Forgiveness in DBT

Mindfulness and Radical Acceptance: In DBT, mindfulness and radical acceptance are foundational skills. Mindfulness involves being present in the moment without judgment, while radical acceptance involves fully accepting reality as it is, without trying to change it. These skills help individuals recognize and accept their emotions and the actions of others, providing a foundation for forgiveness. By acknowledging what has happened and accepting the emotions that arise, individuals can begin to move towards forgiveness without being overwhelmed by their feelings.
Non-Judgmental Stance: Forgiveness in DBT involves adopting a non-judgmental stance towards oneself and others. This means letting go of blame and the urge to judge people based on their actions. By understanding that everyone, including oneself, is doing the best they can under their circumstances, individuals can foster empathy and compassion, which are essential for forgiveness.
Distress Tolerance: DBT teaches distress tolerance skills to help individuals cope with intense emotions and distressing situations without resorting to destructive behaviors. Forgiveness is often discussed within the framework of distress tolerance, as it can help alleviate the emotional burden associated with holding onto anger and resentment.
Emotion Regulation: DBT emphasizes the importance of regulating emotions to maintain mental health. Forgiveness can play a key role in emotion regulation by reducing negative emotions such as anger and resentment, and promoting positive emotions like empathy and compassion. This process involves recognizing the impact of unforgiving attitudes on one’s well-being and making a conscious decision to let go of grudges.
Interpersonal Effectiveness: In DBT, interpersonal effectiveness skills are taught to improve relationships and communication. Forgiveness is an important aspect of maintaining healthy relationships, as it involves resolving conflicts and moving past grievances. By practicing forgiveness, individuals can strengthen their relationships and reduce interpersonal stress.
Opposite Action. I recommend you practice this. A well known part of DBT. Here are the basic steps involved: Identify the emotion and its urge. Assess whether the emotion fits the facts of the situation (Sometimes emotions are disproportionate to the situation or are based on misperceptions). If the emotion is justified, Opposite Action might not be necessary. Act opposite to the ’emotional urge’. Observe the outcome. Repeat as needed.

Let’s keep looking at forgiveness,

In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)

In ACT, forgiveness is viewed as a process aligned with the core principles of the therapy, which focus on accepting what is out of one’s personal control and committing to actions that enrich one’s life. ACT is a type of cognitive-behavioral therapy that emphasizes mindfulness, acceptance, and values-driven action

In ACT, forgiveness is not about condoning wrongdoing but rather about freeing oneself from the constraints of anger and resentment, and choosing to live in a way that aligns with one’s values and well-being

Forgiveness Helps in ACT

Reduction of Suffering: By practicing forgiveness, individuals can reduce the psychological and emotional suffering associated with holding onto grudges and resentments. This aligns with ACT’s goal of reducing unnecessary suffering and increasing psychological flexibility.
Enhancing Psychological Flexibility: Forgiveness fosters psychological flexibility, a core aim of ACT, by enabling individuals to adapt to situations with an open, non-judgmental stance and to act in ways consistent with their values.
Improved Relationships: Forgiveness can lead to better interpersonal relationships by reducing conflict and fostering a more compassionate and understanding approach to others.

Key Concepts of Forgiveness in ACT

Acceptance: ACT encourages individuals to accept their thoughts and feelings without trying to change them. In the context of forgiveness, this means accepting the pain, anger, and resentment that may arise from being hurt by others. Acceptance in ACT involves acknowledging these emotions without getting entangled in them, allowing individuals to observe their feelings without being controlled by them. Note that acceptance is not forgetting the offense or excusing the behavior.
Defusion: ACT uses cognitive defusion techniques to help individuals detach from unhelpful thoughts. In the case of forgiveness, this means recognizing and distancing oneself from thoughts like “I can never forgive them” or “They don’t deserve forgiveness.” Defusion helps in reducing the impact of these thoughts, making it easier to move towards forgiveness.
Values Clarification: ACT emphasizes living in accordance with one’s values. Forgiveness is often aligned with values like compassion, empathy, and peace. By clarifying and committing to these values, individuals can choose to forgive even when it feels difficult, because it aligns with how they want to live their lives and the kind of person they want to be.
Commitment to Action: ACT encourages committed action towards living a values-driven life. Forgiveness, in this context, is an actionable choice. It involves actively deciding to let go of grudges and move forward, which can include practices like writing a letter of forgiveness (even if not sent), engaging in mindfulness exercises, or performing acts of kindness.
Self-Compassion: Forgiveness in ACT also includes self-forgiveness. This involves treating oneself with the same kindness and understanding that one would extend to others. Self-forgiveness is crucial for reducing self-criticism and guilt, allowing individuals to move forward with greater self-compassion and acceptance.

Let’s keep looking at forgiveness,

In Narrative Therapy

Narrative therapy approaches forgiveness by focusing on the stories people tell about their lives and relationships. In this approach, forgiveness is seen as a process of re-authoring one’s story to create new meanings and perspectives. Here are some key aspects of how narrative therapy deals with forgiveness:

Exploring the Narrative: Narrative therapy involves examining the stories individuals have about the events that led to the need for forgiveness. This includes understanding the context and the roles that people played in these events.
Externalizing the Problem: In narrative therapy, issues are often externalized, meaning they are seen as separate from the person. For forgiveness, this might involve viewing the hurt or betrayal as a problem or a force outside the person, rather than an intrinsic part of them.
Re-authoring the Story: The therapist helps individuals reframe their experiences and re-author their narratives. This can involve finding new meanings or perspectives that make it easier to forgive. For instance, it might involve recognizing the complexity of the other person’s actions or understanding the factors that led to the hurtful behavior.
Acknowledging Strengths and Resources: Narrative therapy highlights the person’s strengths and resources. In the context of forgiveness, this might involve identifying personal qualities or past experiences that can support the process of letting go and moving forward.
Creating a New Story: The goal is to help individuals craft a new story that includes forgiveness. This new narrative might involve seeing the other person in a different light, understanding their motivations, or deciding to let go of anger for one’s own well-being.
Empowering Choices: By changing the narrative, individuals can gain a sense of control and agency over their feelings and responses. This empowerment can facilitate the decision to forgive and the ability to move past the hurt.

Well, let’s keep looking at forgiveness!

The Components of Self Compassion vs the Components of Forgiveness

The three core components of self-compassion are also core components for the practice of forgiveness. Let’s see how:

Self-Kindness: Being warm and understanding towards yourself during times of suffering instead of being overly self-critical. Instead of ignoring, criticizing, or indulging in negative ideas and narratives, self-kindness encourages self-soothing, de-escalation within yourself, and self care. Self kindness is letting go of, getting rid of, allowing the negative and suffering to pass. It is also self respect.
Common Humanity, or as Ethan calls it, “the Human Condition“. Take note and bring to your awareness that being flawed, being haunted, having demons, having guilt, shame, fear, pain, feelings of personal inadequacy, fallibility, and the experiences of suffering are a common denominator that all humans share. Noticing this helps you show compassion, or having mercy on to others and yourself.
Mindfulness: Mindfulness in self-compassion refers to holding one’s painful thoughts and feelings in balanced awareness. It means observing negative emotions without suppressing or being overwhelmed by them. This balanced approach helps individuals neither ignore their pain nor become overly identified with it.

FAQs

Well, let’s keep looking at forgiveness!

Q- But, how do I forgive when the people that hurt me have not apologized or are no longer there to apologize?

Forgiving someone who has wronged you but has not apologized can be difficult, but it is very possible, and actually, a must. You are the one doing this. It has nothing to do with the cause of the suffering or others. You can learn lessons, learn about others, about yourself, your values, and what actions and boundaries to have. It is up to you to learn how to improve your life and use the suffering as a catalyst to take actions to better your experience and life. All of this is under your control.

Forgiveness is a personal decision and process that can help you let go of anger and resentment, and move on with your life.

Here are a few steps that may help:

You do not need their permission to let go. End your waiting for their permission, you actually are not seeking it from them. Take your power back, show compassion towards yourself and give yourself permission.
Acknowledge and accept your feelings! It’s important to take time to acknowledge and process the hurt and pain that you have experienced. Accepting that your feelings are real and valid.
Acknowledge the damage. Your forgiveness is not your approval. Acknowledge the damage you experienced and acknowledge your disapproval. You do not need to accept what they did, you can disagree, disapprove, and reject it. You can accept that you experienced the harm and accept that you can forgive so you can empower yourself now or end or lower your suffering.
Let go of expectations. Forgiving someone does not mean that you need to reconcile with them or that they need to apologize.
Do not forget. Forgiveness is not forgetting. In fact, you learning something and taking positive actions is automatic and a part of the process of forgiveness. Forgetting is practicing ignoring and is an act of resistance. Accept the reality and the feelings, remember and learn, then also ask and now what can I do. Acceptance is not forgetting or excusing the behavior.
Boundaries. Forgiving does not mean that you have to let someone back into your life, house, space. It is important to reflect on the past and learn from it. Set healthy boundaries to continue protecting, and respecting yourself, maintaining safety and peace. Forgiving does not mean the person you forgave now becomes your best friend, or that you like their mindset or behavior. You have to discern and know your preferences and values. You can disagree and reject someone’s actions, you can disagree and reject the harm that you experienced. Access to your private space, your time and mind is a privilege you give to a select few you decide are worthy of these.
Closure. Once you forgive, you create your own closure. You do not need to wait for anyone else’s permission. You give permission to yourself to find closure.
Reframe your understanding and narrative: Try to understand the other person’s actions from their perspective. This does not excuse their behavior, but it can help you understand it better.
To be human is to be flawed. Reflect on the idea that people are doing their best, given their knowledge, environment, skills, awareness and circumstances. You do not need to approve or accept their actions, but you can forgive. Keeping in mind the misery and suffering that all humans experience can help you find compassion or the ability to let go. In the Christian sense, every human has the nature of sin and has fallen from Grace. Accepting this helps you find compassion towards others and yourself.
No more free rent. Damaging ideas, beliefs, or a habit of lingering suffering were started at some point in the past. By continuing to exist in your life and to hurt you, you are offering them space in your mind and reality rent-free. Ask yourself when will it be the right time for me to get rid of these things that take up space and energy and live in my mind rent-free.
Having had enough. When you decide that you have held on this for long enough, that you have suffered enough … or punished yourself and continued the insult that was created by someone else. When you’ve had enough suffering and are ready to give yourself a break, you can forgive to have that peace which you are worthy of having.
End the abuse or trauma. The person or circumstances that caused your suffering may have ended in the past, however you holding on to them and not letting them go, not forgiving, in a sense caused you to hold on to these circumstances and keeping them alive, and that meant these circumstances were kept alive, even if they were ended in the past. Release in order to keep this in the past. Letting go gives you your present moment back and ends that on-going suffering which has gone on long enough. The events or circumstances already ended a long time ago, if you have held on to them, you have caused yourself extended suffering. In a sense, you’ve enabled the abuser or offended to continue hurting you even after they had stopped. This extends suffering for a life time or until you let go. Also, you do not require to be punished.
Practice self care, self compassion and self respect: Taking care of yourself both physically and emotionally, practicing the various aspects of self compassion, will help you feel better and cope better with the situation.
Focus on the present: Forgiveness is not about forgetting the past or excusing the person’s behavior, it’s about letting go of negative emotions that are holding you back in the present.
Layered like an onion. Forgiveness is a process and it may take time. It also iterative, you may have to forgive (release, let go, get rid of, reframe, create a new narrative) multiple times. It is rarely done only in one day, one session, one mediation, or one time. Be patient with yourself and don’t put too much pressure on yourself to succeed in forgiving. You cannot force it. Forcing in itself is a problem. Every time you repeat the process of letting go and the other steps involved with forgiveness the closer you are to taking your power back, and inner peace.
Improving your life: Taking ownership of your life and actions becomes easier when you forgive. Doing this helps you free up mental and emotional space to explore the “what next” question, to move on, in a way that you control. This releases the hold that the trauma has had on you and give you more autonomy, liberty and ability to make changes. These changes can stop the circumstances which may cause additional hurt, can improve your life style and quality of life. Despite your flaws you are worthy of the mental peace and opportunity to make positive changes.
Let go of perfectionism. There is no such thing as perfection in the human life. This is a lie and a trap that causes stagnation and the perpetuation of suffering.
Let go of the need to punish or hurt someone back! This does not mean escaping consequences and outcomes based on current societal norms and laws
Forgive yourself. Remember to forgive yourself for also being flawed, don’t turn wanting to improve your life and finding peace into a problem you can allow to cause additional suffering for you. Forgiveness is a process and mindset which YOU control.
Escape the Drama Triangle

If a man says that you should not, or cannot, forgive. He is a liar. Reject his lies.

Forgiving others is an act of self-kindness.

Kindness is forgiveness. Forgiveness is kindness.

Forgiveness leads to compassion. Compassion leads to forgiveness.

Well, let’s keep looking at forgiveness!

Q- Does forgiveness make me a good human? and what if I don’t forgive?

A.Yes.

Forgiving is good, forgiving is “doing good”, by forgiving you are doing good. Why is forgiveness good? It reflects virtues like compassion, strength, wisdom, helping others, making the world a better place, and emotional maturity. If you want to be a better human seriously consider forgiving.

Your forgiveness:

Shows empathy: You understand that everyone makes mistakes and that people are not defined by their wrongs, which shows kindness and the ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. There is a caveat here, you must protect yourself, respect yourself, not be a victim, set boundaries, and say No. You can and should forgive, but also set boundaries. Forgiveness is acceptance of the facts and what happened but it is NOT acceptance or allowing for the trespasses to happen again. Forgiving is yours and it is the first step, you still have to set boundaries.
Lets go of resentment: Holding onto anger or grudges can poison your relationships and well-being. By choosing forgiveness, you choose peace and healing, which benefits not just you but also the other person.
Promotes reconciliation: Forgiveness helps repair relationships and restore trust. A good person values harmony and is willing to work toward restoring bonds rather than allowing hurt to divide them.
Uplifts yourself and others: It takes emotional strength to forgive. Instead of seeking revenge or harboring ill will, a forgiving person rises above the situation and moves forward with grace, which encourages positive growth.
Reflects moral values: Across cultures and spiritual teachings, forgiveness is seen as a noble and virtuous act. By practicing it, you align yourself with higher ethical principles, showing integrity and humility.
Demonstrates Compassion: Forgiveness shows you are capable of understanding others’ pain and imperfections, which fosters empathy. This aligns with being kind and considerate, key traits of a good person.
Promotes Healing: Forgiving helps both you and the person who wronged you heal emotionally. It prevents harboring resentment, which is a compassionate and mature choice that prioritizes well-being over vengeance.
Breaks the Cycle of Harm: By choosing forgiveness, you stop the perpetuation of negativity, hurt, and conflict. It reflects strength in character and contributes to peace rather than escalating discord.
Reflects Emotional Maturity: Good people practice emotional self-regulation, and forgiveness shows you can rise above your own pain, recognizing that holding grudges damages both you and the relationship.
Encourages Growth: Forgiving allows you to focus on growth and improvement rather than dwelling on the past. It shows a dedication to personal and moral development, a hallmark of a good person.
Fosters Unity and Reconciliation: A good person values harmony and connection. Forgiveness builds bridges, repairing relationships rather than tearing them down, which reflects an altruistic, relationship-oriented mindset.
Aligns with Moral and Spiritual Virtue: Across many moral frameworks and spiritual traditions, forgiveness is seen as a virtue. Embracing it demonstrates alignment with higher ethical standards.
Exemplifies Strength, Not Weakness: Forgiving requires immense strength and courage. A good person is not one who seeks revenge but one who can face hurt, let it go, and still act with integrity.
Ends retaliation: When you choose to forgive, you stop the back-and-forth of hurt, blame, or revenge. Instead of contributing to ongoing conflict, you step away from hostility, which helps to de-escalate the situation.
Takes responsibility for your emotions: Forgiving means you’re not letting anger or resentment control your actions. By choosing peace over bitterness, you demonstrate emotional self-regulation, showing that you’re contributing to a solution rather than fueling more tension.
Fosters healing: When you forgive, you focus on resolving the underlying pain or hurt, allowing both you and the other person to move forward. This makes you a source of healing and reconciliation rather than further division.
Removes the barrier to progress: Holding onto grudges keeps you stuck in the past and reinforces negative feelings. Forgiving releases that emotional burden, ensuring you’re not prolonging the problem by clinging to past hurts.
Models positive behavior: By forgiving, you set an example of how to rise above conflict and treat others with compassion. This can inspire others to change their behavior, contributing to a more peaceful resolution and showing that you’re actively part of the solution.
Is a sign of you no longer practicing self punishment and sabotage, self hatred, low self esteem.

Not forgiving can be a sign of self-hatred and low self-esteem because it often reflects an internal struggle with self-worth and unresolved emotions. Here’s how:

Holding onto pain: When you don’t forgive, you may be holding onto hurt or resentment, which can become internalized as self-blame or negative self-talk. This can create a cycle of self-punishment, where you feel unworthy of peace or healing.
Reinforcing negative beliefs: Refusing to forgive can stem from low self-esteem, where you believe you deserve the pain or are not capable of moving beyond the hurt. It can be tied to a sense of unworthiness or the belief that you’re not strong enough to let go of past wrongs.
Harboring resentment towards yourself: Sometimes, not forgiving others reflects how you feel about yourself. If you’re critical of your own mistakes or shortcomings, it becomes harder to extend compassion to others. The inability to forgive others can mirror an inability to forgive yourself, leading to deeper self-hate.
Perpetuating emotional turmoil: Refusing to forgive keeps you emotionally stuck in the past, replaying the hurt over and over. This emotional stagnation can fuel feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt, as if you’re subconsciously punishing yourself by not allowing peace or closure.
Fear of vulnerability: Low self-esteem often comes with a fear of being vulnerable or showing weakness. Forgiveness requires vulnerability, as it involves letting go of defenses and opening yourself up to the possibility of being hurt again. A lack of forgiveness might suggest you don’t believe you can handle emotional openness, reflecting inner insecurity.

In essence, not forgiving can be a reflection of how you treat yourself internally. It can indicate unresolved self-hatred or low self-worth because it perpetuates emotional pain and blocks you from finding inner peace and healing.

Q- Is it possible to forgive if the offender is still in my life?

A. I highly recommend to focus on reducing harm, escaping the abuse, stopping the threat, and seeking safety first. Once you are safe, it is a lot easier to forgive. See, forgiveness is not about being a victim or remaining one. It is about escaping the Drama Triangle. Learn more about the Drama Triangle here http://www.ethanewise.com/the-drama-triangle-the-empowerment-dynamics/

Forgiveness is not forgetting the offense or excusing the behavior.

Read the first question above in the FAQ starting with “But, how do I forgive..”

Q- Can I make someone else forgive me?

A. That is not your task.
You are the only one who can change themselves. You can communicate clearly to others, but must avoid the drama triangle http://www.ethanewise.com/the-drama-triangle-the-empowerment-dynamics/

You cannot change others, or the world. By changing yourself you change your reality, and in a way you change others and the world.. The change starts with you!

Q- Forgiveness of others or myself?

A. Both. Many find it harder to forgive themselves. You ought to forgive yourself and others. The same attitudes, practices, and definitions of forgiveness that apply to others also apply to the individuals themselves.

Q- Ok, summarize this for me. WHAT is forgiveness?

Forgiveness is your task
Forgiveness is done towards yourself, and/or an external offender
Forgiveness is not forgetting
Forgiveness is acceptance of what is, but not approval
Forgiveness is letting go, and the reduction of your suffering
Forgiveness is letting go (of grudges, hate, hurt, resentment, anger ,the past, guilt, self-criticism, victimhood, judgment, etc)
Forgiveness is having had enough and deciding to free self from the burden
Forgiveness is freeing yourself from the grip of past grievances and emotional pain
Forgiveness is a conscious decision to release negative emotions toward the offender (be it someone else, yourself or a part of yourself)
Forgiveness is focused on the present (and a better present moment, and thus a better future)
Forgiveness is an act of self-compassion
Forgiveness is needed for inner peace
Forgiveness is the awareness of your own flaws
Forgiveness is the awareness of common humanity
Forgiveness is a spiritual practice, a logical stoic practice, psychological practice, a part of being a mindful human
Forgiveness is a personal decision and process
Forgiveness is a way to accept past mistakes or failures and view them as opportunities for growth
Forgiveness is courage and strength
Forgiveness is empowering and freeing
Forgiveness is needed for spiritual and emotional freedom

Q- But, I have read all this and I don’t know how to! .. or I hate myself.

A- Here are some recommendations and ideas to keep in mind:

Work on it by yourself and using workbooks or watching videos and the ideas mentioned above.
Work on it with a therapist. I recommend a therapist who uses: mindfulness-based approaches, ACT, CBT, DBT, Narrative therapy, somatic experiencing, and self compassion training.
You are flawed, just as every other human. Work on accepting your flaws and imperfections.
Talk to another, so that you can be heard. We all benefit when we have a loving or benevolent witness who can hear us (‘hold space’ for us).
Be the witness to yourself.
Let go of the attachment to perfection. There is no perfection. Change your narrative or scale of assessment to consider: not good, good, better, best .. there is no perfection in the human condition.
A new habit. This is a different way of thinking, and is a new habit to develop. Give yourself some time to learn something new, to experiment and practice, you are training yourself to think differently, training on new psychological skills, so keep working at it.
Re-programming. You have internalized an external idea or a negative idea that says you are worthless, or that you need to suffer (for some reason or another). This is an unhealthy belief, harmful programming.
Practice becoming the observer (meditate, practice mindfulness).. Learn more about meditation on my website http://www.consciousnessadvancement.com/
You are not broken, there’s nothing to fix, no one else needs to fix you..
Use parts therapy or hypnosis age regression to re-visit your younger parts and forgive them and show them compassion and be a witness.
Ease into it and allow for compassion and forgiveness to enter into your reality slowly..
Power over force: You can’t force this with force, but you can gently get your power back, create your own power, and use your power
Read this entire page 5 times.
Start some of the exercises found below.
Rinse and repeat! It will get easier. Life itself is your practice.

Well, let’s keep looking at forgiveness!

Q- Ok, I want to forgive but I am stuck, I am a human not a robot, I want practical actions and exercises for my self hatred, for my low self esteem, and to learn practicing forgiveness one step at a time

A- Here are 20 commonly used exercises found in mental health therapy to address self-hate and foster self-kindness, to improve self-esteem, or to practice self compassion, and yes forgiveness as well. Every one of these will have a positive impact on the other:

1. Self-Compassion Break

This exercise involves three steps:

Mindfulness: Acknowledge your pain or struggle without judgment.
Common Humanity: Recognize that suffering is a universal experience.
Self-Kindness: Offer yourself words of kindness and support, similar to what you might say to a friend.

2. Loving-Kindness Meditation

This meditation practice involves silently repeating phrases of goodwill and compassion, first directed towards yourself and then extended to others. Common phrases include “May I be happy,” “May I be healthy,” and “May I be free from suffering.”. I recommend saying “I give myself permission to” rather than saying “May I”. ex. I give myself permission to be present. More on meditation here http://www.consciousnessadvancement.com/ Also search my website for information of writing positive belief statements or affirmations.

3. How Would You Treat a Friend?

Reflect on how you would respond to a friend going through a similar struggle. Write down what you would say or do for them and compare it with how you treat yourself in the same situation. This exercise helps highlight the difference and encourages self-kindness. If your best friend was right there with you now, what would she/he say to you?

4. Exploring Self-Criticism

Write down your self-critical thoughts and then rephrase them in a more compassionate and supportive manner. This exercise helps in recognizing harsh self-criticism and replacing it with a kinder inner dialogue.

5. The Self-Compassion Journal

Maintain a daily or weekly journal where you reflect on moments of self-criticism and consciously practice self-compassion. Note down how you feel, what triggered the self-critical thoughts, and how you responded with compassion.

6. The What am I Grateful for? Journal

Maintain a daily journal or check list where you consciously notice, come up with, and write down things that you are grateful for. Also, use this as a chance to sit and tune into the feeling of ‘giving thanks’, ‘feeling thankful’ or feeling gratitude. Make it your goal to notice things to be grateful for and feel gratitude multiple times daily, without a journal. This is a habit that you are developing until it becomes something you practice often and with ease.

7. The Compassionate Body Scan

Similar to a traditional body scan meditation, this exercise focuses on observing sensations in the body with a compassionate and caring attitude. It encourages acceptance of physical sensations without judgment.

8. Changing Your Critical Self-Talk & Practicing Opposite Action

Identify common self-critical statements you make about yourself and work on changing them into compassionate statements. For example, change “I’m such a failure” to “I’m doing my best, and it’s okay to make mistakes.”. This is similar to practicing Opposite Action, it is practicing opposite thoughts. Opposite Action is taught as part of DBT. Here are the basic steps involved: Identify the emotion and its urge. Assess whether the emotion fits the facts of the situation (Sometimes emotions are disproportionate to the situation or are based on misperceptions). If the emotion is justified, Opposite Action might not be necessary. Act opposite to the ’emotional urge’. Observe the outcome. Repeat as needed. I encourage you to practice gratitude as an opposite action. Gratitude is an antidote to suffering.

9. Soften, Soothe, Allow (de-escalate)

When experiencing a difficult emotion, this practice involves:

Soften: Soften into the pain rather than resisting it.
Soothe: Use comforting gestures like placing a hand on your heart and offering kind words to yourself.
Allow: Allow the emotion to be present without trying to suppress or fight it.

10. Affectionate breathing

Focus on your breath with a sense of warmth and kindness. Imagine breathing in compassion and breathing out any stress or tension. This exercise can help cultivate a calm and compassionate mindset.

11. Self-Compassionate letter

Write a letter to yourself from the perspective of a compassionate friend. Acknowledge your struggles and offer words of understanding and encouragement. This exercise can be particularly powerful in shifting from self-criticism to self-compassion.

12. Self-Compassion meditation and any self-hypnosis and guided relaxation meditations

Engage in guided meditations focused on self-compassion. These meditations often involve visualizing a compassionate figure or imagining oneself as a child in need of kindness, and offering understanding and comfort to oneself.

13. Enhance mindfulness and awareness of feelings and the body

Tune into the body regularly (using some of the techniques mentioned above) and start noticing the tension in the body or body parts, notice stress in the body or body parts, notice the strength in the body, notice balance and symmetry, how strong the body feels, any aches, and overall feeling of vitality and health. How well did you sleep? Are you feeling brain fog or low energy? If you are female are you about to menstruate or are currently menstruating? Take note of these, and observe if / how lowered health or anything that compromises your body’s energy, or lowers resiliency, impacts your mood and thoughts. Keep your awareness of these for the rest of the day.

14. Positive Affirmations

Practice using positive affirmations to counteract negative self-talk. Create a list of affirmations that resonate with you, such as “I am worthy of love and respect” or “I accept myself as I am.” Learn more here: How to write powerful positive affirmations and belief statements

15. Cognitive Diffusion

Recognize thoughts by being mindful, present, observant, and/or aware of thoughts. The first step is to notice when you’re experiencing the thoughts. Pay attention and observe to how these thoughts affect your mood and behavior. Label them: Identify the specific thought that is causing distress. For example, “I’m not good enough”, “I’ll never succeed” or “I hate myself.”. Separate yourself from the thought: Imagine that the thought is separate from you. It’s not who you are; it’s just a thought passing through your mind. Use language to create distance: Instead of saying “I am worthless,” say, “I’m having the thought that I am worthless.” This simple shift helps to create distance between you and the thought. Visualize the thought as if it was an object: Picture the thought as an object outside of you. ex. A cloud drifting by, a leaf floating down a stream, or even a word on a screen. Describe the thought in detail: What does it look like? How does it move? This helps you to see it as something transient and not a permanent part of you. This is already excellent and very helpful. You can continue on to using a Diffusion Exercise: ex. 1. Silly Voice: Repeat the negative thought in a silly voice, like a cartoon character. This can make the thought seem less powerful and more ridiculous. ex. 2. Sing It: Try singing the thought to the tune of “Happy Birthday” or any other song. This further reduces its emotional impact.

16. Age regression and parts therapy

Work with a therapist to learn how to do this and you can then continue this work alone or with a therapist.

17. Self-Care Planning

Develop a self-care plan that includes activities and practices that nurture your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. This can include hobbies, relaxation techniques, and time spent with loved ones.

18. Visualization Exercises

Imagine a scenario where you feel at peace and self-assured. Visualize yourself interacting with others in a confident and kind manner. This exercise can help reinforce positive self-image and self-acceptance.

19. Challenging Negative Core Beliefs

Identify and challenge deep-seated beliefs about yourself that contribute to self-hate. This might involve working with a therapist to explore the origins of these beliefs and developing new, healthier beliefs about yourself.

20. Use the body

Any body work, yoga, trauma release exercises (TRE), somatic experiencing (SE), stretching of all kinds, energy movement (Tai Chi and QiGong), craniosacral therapy (CST). Also, consider learning applied kinesiology or muscle testing to enhance your awareness of energy, or strength in the body, and how your thoughts impact these.

Remember: Practice regularly. Daily Practice. Your life and living in itself is the practice. Make the positive changes or new practices a regular part of your routine. Spend a few minutes each day practicing these techniques, even when you’re not feeling particularly negative. Repeat: The more you practice, the easier it will get. Seek support if needed. Talk to someone: If the thoughts are overwhelming, consider talking to a therapist, counselor or calling a crisis line. Be patient with yourself (this is Self-Compassion) Remember that change takes time, and it’s okay to have setbacks. Be kind to yourself as you practice these techniques.

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Q- Can Forgiveness Help Me End Reincarnation?

It depends on who you ask. This is not an interest of many, but to those who believe in reincarnation, a deception or a soul trap, forgiveness would be a critical component. By forgiveness I mean self compassion, accepting your (and every human’s) imperfections, forgiving self and others, and letting go of and getting rid of attachments, judgment, identities, possessions, deceptive harmful ideas (such as shame, guilt, grudges, pay back, winning) and other ego-driven experiences.

People who pursue freedom from the cycles discover a need to reject (rebuke, refuse, renounce, give up something, get rid of) the idea of judgment from self or others, the need for improvement, that a score is being kept (karma) which you have to pay off, binding soul contracts, culture norms, hierarchy, blind faith, ego (shame, guilt, regret, hatred, revenge, resistance).

They also dissect the identity, practice negation, allowing self to be without identity and attachment (or the least amount possible). They also keenly observe thoughts, pass them through a litmus test, remain humble but keep power, get comfortable with not knowing.

This life is your chance to practice. Living right now is your chance to prepare for what happens after the body dies. In addition to practicing detachment, letting go, forgiveness of all and self, accepting flaws of humans, being a skeptic, being autonomous, ‘the small death’ or ‘dying to live’, some also practice the ‘life review’ while alive and continue to practice. I will share authors and resources for you to consult on this topic next.

Ask Ethan if you’d like to learn more or be guided to practice these. Also, read about this by reading content from these authors: Alan Watts, Jon Kabat-Zinn, David R. Hawkins M.D., Eckhart Tolle, Jed McKenna, David Parrish, Michael Brown, Dr. Lawrence Wilson, and others. Also consider reading the philosophers Plato’s Allegory of the cave in his Republic, Plotinus , René Descartes, David Hume, Immanuel Kant and Johann Wolfgang von Goethe. Also read on Zen Buddhism, Gnosticism, Monotheism, Deism, Pantheism, Advita, non-duality, New Thought (Christian Science, Unity). Also read on negative theology, the small death or dying to live. Don’t forget to learn about logical fallacies (they are prevalent and unavoidable, start here http://www.ethanewise.com/master-list-of-logical-fallacies/,) skepticism, stoicism, and mysticism. This page will help you get started: http://www.consciousnessadvancement.com/. Towards the end of this page there’s a section on practicing, finding your own consciousness with mindfulness, or with negation and negative theology (and removing illusions). This is done intellectually and experientially.

Additionally, learn from NDEs. Some of the good authors and researchers in this field include: Wayne Bush, Forever Conscious Research Channel, Raymond A. Moody Jr., Dr. Ian Stevenson, Dr. Jim Tucker, Dr. Jeffrey Long, Dr. PMH Atwater.. For a lot more, go to this page and scroll to the bottom (find the Near Death Experiences section) http://www.consciousnessadvancement.com/what-is-consciousness/ for a list of additional authors and websites specific to NDEs. NDEs offer very interesting insights on dying. While exploring these aim at seeing the forest for the trees.

For this topic, as you learn and observe, please aim at seeing the forest for the trees. In other words, don’t focus on (or consider only) a few parts of your experience or information you are learning. Rather, step back and see (understand or appreciate) the larger situation. Look for common denominators (such as human suffering or pain, fear, ego, identity, the Human Experience, etc.) rather than get stuck on the small details and differences. Maintain a healthy amount of skepticism and accepting that some things are unknowable. Focus on your connection to your own consciousness, stay aware of this as external factors change or when you are faced with then unknowns and fears.